My Struggle with Body Image

Everybody knows that issues with body image are a real and prevalent problem in today's society. We are bombarded by pictures of skinny models, videos of obese tourists, and people with near-unattainable measurements. Many believe that this problem forces us all to want to be thin and perfect, making many resort to eating disorders and other consequences of severe body dysmorphia.

I agree with this, but I think people are going about it in the wrong way.

Obesity is a real and prevalent danger as well. It can cause hypertension, heart disease, diabetes, etc. What do we do when both sides are equally dangerous, but the solution to each one seems to flatly okay the other? Why is it that solving the problem of obesity is to cut unhealthy amounts of weight very quickly, causing further health problems? Why is it that solving the problem of body dysmorphia means we have to tell obese people that they are perfectly fine the way they are? Why isn't there a happy medium?

Well, there is. It's called maintaining a healthy lifestyle. It's called eating right and exercising. It's what everyone talks about but neither side seems to get exactly right.

Yes, I believe that you should love your body. No, I do not feel that that means you should stay obese if you are putting that body you love so much at risk. This is not fat-shaming, this is encouraging people to truly love their bodies enough keep them alive.

Yes, I believe that you should strive to be the best version of yourself. No, I do not feel that this means you should starve yourself to reach your minimum possible weight, putting yourself in harm's way so you never reach your full potential. This is not encouraging the impossible perfections in the media, this is telling people they should be happy with themselves.

The best version of yourself is one who is healthy, happy, and at peace with yourself in mind and body.

Let me tell you my story.

I was overweight from ages around 7 to 20. I was made fun of at school, but not to the extent that many around me faced. I loved myself when I was little - I loved climbing trees and playing capture the flag. And I continued these activities even when I gained weight. I was never unhealthy, but I was fat. I still loved myself, that is, until middle school.

At middle school everyone started caring about what they looked like. No matter how many times I professed to not care what everyone else thought, I was lonely inside. I was hurt when they talked about how skinny they were. I felt like I had to stay out of such conversations.

I didn't love myself anymore. I barely liked myself, and I only still loved my mind. I never resorted to anorexia or bulimia, as I knew how much more unhealthy that would be. But I did keep gaining weight. My activities lessened as I lost interest in things I used to love - or others lost interest in doing them with me. I would sit around and hang out with friends instead of going outside and running around. I never did sports. I stopped martial arts. I never took dance classes, because even though I loved to dance, I was always told I was the 'wrong type' or ridiculed for how I wanted to dance.

High school was difficult on me for other reasons that I won't get into here, but it eventually ended. I had a good senior year, graduating third in my class of 353, and I was going to my dream university: The University of Edinburgh.

I was nervous going. I didn't want to be the person I was in high school any longer. I wanted to be me, not the person I was pretending to be for my high school.

And I got my wish.

I met so many like-minded people with similar experiences. I could be myself finally! I was doing things I wanted to do rather than things I thought were expected of me. I could make my own decisions.

And others accepted me. Nobody shamed me, nobody ridiculed me, nobody told me I was the 'wrong type'. I went out, I met attractive people who thought I was attractive too, and I finally was in an environment that encouraged me to be just that: me. And I accepted myself. I didn't feel pressured anymore. I accepted my body (though I was still overweight) and I started to love myself again.

And that's when I started to lose weight.

It wasn't on purpose, actually. I was eating the same kinds of things, but I was walking everywhere! Edinburgh, if you don't know, is a fantastically hilly city that's great for pedestrians. It was a twenty minute walk to my classes every day, and a thirty-minute walk to the student theatre where I spent most of my down time. I lost about ten pounds that first semester, and another five or ten over the next year.

All because I had accepted myself and started to become the version of myself I wanted to be.

I slipped a bit in my second year due to overwhelming pressure in my theatre society. The weight crept back somewhat, but I managed to keep most of it off. That summer and first semester of third year were hard. I was going through a break-up and coming off of a highly stressful job. The weight again started to creep back, but never to the extent of high school.

Then something happened. I got over the break-up. I surrounded myself with like-minded friends. I started dating a wonderful new person. I stopped bowing to the pressure. I started doing what I wanted to do rather than what people expected of me. This time it was less about the environment, and more about my personal way of thinking. I put myself in a supportive environment.

My partner was a real fitness buff. They went to the gym a lot and kept encouraging me to go too; not because they wanted to change me, but because they thought I would enjoy it. One day I decided to tag along, and they turned out to be right. I started going more often and, after pushing through a few difficult months of other issues, I'm now going three times a week and running on my off days. I was eating healthier too, not by cutting out junk food altogether, but by eating in moderation and watching my calorie intake.

But most importantly, I'm feeling happier, healthier, and more at peace with my mind and body. I'm not losing weight for society. I'm not losing weight for anyone but me. I want to be the best version of myself. If I stop on the upper end of the healthy index, I won't mind. Because I will know that I still love myself and I'm still the best version of me.

I know overweight and underweight people who are very healthy and happy. They exercise, they eat right, but due to genetics or other causes, they still appear overweight or underweight. I'd never ask them to change. Because they are happy and healthy and at peace.

But obese people who decry all those who suggest they start exercising as fat-shamers, even when they are willingly putting themselves at a higher risk for disease when they supposedly love themselves? I don't accept.

But super-skinny people who don't eat or throw up everything they consume to maintain that 'flawless' look, even when they put themselves at more risk for disease and willingly so when they supposedly love themselves? I don't accept.

We can solve the issue of body dysmorphia without being called 'health nuts', 'fat-shamers', 'skinny haters', or whatever new term people will undoubtedly throw this way.

We can be a happy and healthy society. We just need to encourage happiness and peace with ourselves, not a particular weight class.

Put yourself in an environment where you feel happy and accepted. Choose your own position and make your own decisions. Get yourself into that encouraging atmosphere. Encourage yourself.

Be happy. That's the solution.